Momma's boy

I had an experience this weekend that just made me really grateful I have the parents I do. Both my parents are still together and love each other very much ... I am sure it has a lot to do with the fact that they both have a serious relationship with the Lord, as well as with each other. They set a great example for my brother and I, and I always ALWAYS knew that they loved me. Mom said it more than Dad did, but I never doubted his love for a second. His endless patience playing the abused goalie during my backyard soccer catastrophes and his hand-made tack boxes for my 4-H horse project were proof that he devoted time and energy into making my little girl dreams come true.

Some people aren't so lucky. A friend of mine (I would say names but I'm not sure I should) was in town this weekend, and he comes from a broken family. They aren't financially unstable or anything, but there is so much bad blood, regrets and old baggage his family carries that I'm surprised he made it to college. His parents are divorced, his brother has been in and out of prison several times, and his mother is an alcoholic whom I'm convinced is depressed.

Over the course of the weekend, he and his mother were on the phone and his graduation from college came up in conversation. She said that she would drive her father's car to graduation, leave it with a family member who needed it, and ride back with the new Graduate. He said, "Mom, I'm not driving back to Athens that night. I need to pack all my stuff up because I know I won't be ready to leave. I have finals up until 2 hours before I graduate."

"Oh, well then I don't think I'll be able to come. Do you realize I have 5 dogs at home and there is no way I'll be able to be gone that long without letting them out? I mean, I'm supposed to be there but if I can't ride back with you I just don't see a way for me to leave town. I guess you'll have to graduate without your mother there, if you can't give me a ride back."

I heard every word over the phone, and his face just fell. His shoulders sagged a little, and I felt like crying watching his face. He just said, "Don't worry. We'll work something out." as she went on and on about how "inconvenient" it was for her to leave town to watch the only son of hers that went to college walk to get his Diploma.

The next day he called to see if he could come visit her as they'd planned the day before. He told her he'd be out in the afternoon ... he called her at 3pm, and she said, "Well, I didn't think you'd be out this late. I mean, I told you I'd be done with my stuff at noon, and now I have the house torn apart and my vacuum cleaner JUST broke, my lawnmower isn't working, my dog is limping, and I'm in the middle of a breakdown right now. You should have called earlier. OF COURSE you would wait until your way out of town to come and see me. I know you. You'll be over here for 15 minutes before you have to leave. I know where I am on your list of priorities."

"Mom, do you want to see me or not. It's up to you. I've got my car keys in my hands right now. I can either come visit for a while or head back to school."

"Well, have a nice drive back to school." *click*

She hung up on her own son. I wanted to cry. He just stared at the phone for a second before snapping it shut, looking like a 12-year-old boy whose mother had just missed his first big football game. I said, "Let's get in the car. We're going over there before you leave."

I know there are people who beat their kids, starve their children, and ignore their children ... but it made me sick to hear the tone of her voice. Just dripping with self-pity and bitterness, with no regard to what she was doing to her son.

I don't want kids now. As a matter of fact, I don't want kids for a long time. But I want kids eventually, and I can GUARANTEE you that I'm going to EVERY single one of their soccer games, ballet recitals, piano recitals, football games, and anything else you can think of. Drawings are going on the fridge, baby shoes are getting saved, and pictures taken at every chance. Watching my friend get manipulated and guilted like that by his own mother made my hackles go up and my mothering instinct come out all at once. Watching Lydia has firmed my belief that motherhood will be something I love when it's God's time, and I just can't fathom why some mothers seem as if they don't love their kids at all.

I am very grateful for the parents God gave me. I'm so glad He's blessed my family as richly as He has, and I think it's ironic that my friend's mother has a quote painted on the side of her barn that goes something like this: You have two lives: the life that God gave you and the life you make for yourself.