Bullseye

Since tomorrow is the last day of the month, I'd like to take a step back and consider everything I've accomplished the past 30 days.

..................?

Well, I'm still alive, and I have a few dollars in the bank. My faith is still intact, and my friends are still the biggest blessing God has ever given me. That's something, isn't it?

Paul's message today hit a lot closer to home that what I was expecting. It was about pornography, and the fact that if you "think you can handle it on your own, you are deceived". The issue I'm struggling with isn't pornography, but it may as well be. It's every bit as embarrassing and disgusting, pointless, and a gigantic waste of money. I haven't told anyone, because I've been "dealing with it on my own ... "and when I step back, I realize I've been dealing with this for over a year and it keeps getting worse. The eating disorder I struggled with just keeps manifesting itself in other ways, and it is very frustrating. I haven't told anyone, because frankly, it's embarrassing and more disgusting and despicable (in my opinion) than other things I've dealt with in the past. I am not ready to give it up yet, and that is the problem. I'm not ready to give it to God, and I'm not ready to talk to anyone about it. And it sucks. I figure if I at least get it out over the internet that I have something that needs unearthed SOMEONE is bound to ask me about it eventually, especially if more people find out I have a blog.

On the bright side, I bought some asparagus at Kroger today! Hurrah ... I love asparagus. I am going to make asparagus and mushroom salad tonight for dinner before I go in to work, and it's going to be scrumtrulescent. I didn't buy lucky charms, unfortunately, but I'm sure they will still be manufacturing them the next time I have a craving.