It's really weird ... whenever I go to Lima, I feel out of place. I'm sitting at the same computer I worked at for 4 years of high school, staring at the same Mulberry candle that hasn't been lit for at least that long, but everything feels different.
I know my parents love me. I know my family in Lima loves me, and I know my old church family still loves me. But I feel like a stranger in "my" town, and it really bothers me when I go back that things just don't pick up where I left them.
I guess that is part of growing up and moving away from home. I'm glad I went to Athens. The first time I visited, I had a feeling I would fall in love with the place and my intuition was right to the Nth power. Because I went to college without any high school friends or connections in Southern Ohio, it forced me to put down my own roots. Getting involved with Central, going to the dog park every day and working at Kroger helps things considerably, since now I feel as if I know community members instead of just college students. I don't feel like JUST a student anymore ... I feel as if slowly, surely, Athens is becoming my home.
Lima is always mostly an anxious place for me. It was great growing up ... I have a lot of really great memories there, especially in the fall when the leaves turn colors and the wheat fields get mowed down to a glowing golden carpet; I think of Homecoming and late football games with the band and watching movies and eating cheese pizza with my best friends from high school who are now scattered all over the world. However, Lima is also where all the stressful events in my life have happened. Grandpa died as soon as I went back to Lima, I changed my major while I was in Lima, I quit eating while I was in Lima, Mom got cancer while I was in Lima. The trip back to Athens is soothing, and when I roll into Nelsonville and start driving between the hills, I feel reassured again that I do have a place in the world where my friends love me and are waiting for me to get back.
This out-of-place feeling gets stronger every time I go back, and I think it's just my realization that time doesn't stop while I'm out of town. Things keep changing, people keep aging, and life goes on without me around. It's a humbling experience, and it just makes me more convinced that I could make Athens my home for a long, long time.
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6 comments:
Well... yeah. :)
I agree with Sarah.
My dad used to tell me that once I left home, I could never go back. And he didn't mean I wasn't welcomed... but that "home" would begin to shift. I still love visiting my home town, I go for long drives around the town every time I go home. But, as the saying goes, home is where the heart is.
Over time you will fine that those "stressful" events also ground you to a place as well. As you learn to deal with them you realize, "Wow, i have been in this kind of situation before... and I made it! I can do this."
Great post.
aside from the anxiety part... yeah. you were in band too?
The trip back to Athens is soothing, and when I roll into Nelsonville and start driving between the hills, I feel reassured again that I do have a place in the world where my friends love me and are waiting for me to get back.
yup.
and long live northwest ohio. :)
So, would you say that you would do anything different if you were to do it over? Say, going to college closer to home? Or not?
~Always~
No way! I love Athens ... I wouldn't trade my college experience here for the world, there is just a strange, unsettled feeling in me when I visit my old hometown, and I know it's because Lima isn't home anymore.
It's fun "growing up!"
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