Best Awkward Intro

So I was reading a magazine at Ping the other day, sweating it at the stairmaster, when I read this short blurb about a "bad writing contest". The winning entrant won $250 and the honor of being the worst intro writer of the year.

Jim Gleeson wrote this:

"Gerald began - but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten per cent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them 'permanently' meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash - to pee."

I couldn't stop laughing for like 2 minutes, which on the stairmaster, seems like an eternity.