This quarter is almost over. It's been one of the most discouraging periods in my life.
I never got "behind" in my school work, but I was constantly working on something and when I finished, there was always more schoolwork piling up. On top of that, I have about 60 bucks to last until the 2nd week of April.
I don't even know if I want to teach anymore. I'm slowly losing my zest for just about everything in my life right now. If I didn't know better I'd say I was depressed, but I think it's just copious amounts of stress piling up.
I took a CVA laboratory final exam this morning. Over the past 2 weeks I've spent approximately 40 hours in the lab studying, outside of my 24 hours of class during the week. I felt great about the exam going in, and afterwards, I felt like I'd been run over by the CVA truck. I came home and cried, and felt sorry for myself because I worked so hard this quarter and put so much time into my classes, and I'm just doing "average".
And then I realized, that it doesn't matter. 3 weeks from now I'll be doing my student teaching, it will be April, spring, and no longer winter quarter. I may actually have time to hang out with friends. I'm not Superwoman. I can't do everything. Saying "no" is something I need to learn how to do, and if anything I can say that this quarter taught me a little bit about spreading myself too thin. It sucks, and I don't want to do it again. It's not worth it. If I'm going to work myself to death, I should probably put my energies into something that really matters. Something like the cure for cancer, global warming, MY SPIRITUAL LIFE, and solving world hunger.
Priorities.
2 comments:
"Over the past 2 weeks I've spent approximately 40 hours in the lab studying, outside of my 24 hours of class during the week."
Ah... and you wonder why you might be a bit depressed? Lots of stress in your life right now.
As for your "spiritual life" -- all of your life is your spiritual life. You don't have to think "wow, I didn't have my quiet time! I'm not spiritual!" Where quiet times are nice and even necessary.... God is with you in the lab. In study. Even in the rest you are not getting.
I recommending fining once piece of scripture and taking it with you throughout the day. Say it multiple times. (I'm using Mark 12:29-31). Remember that God is with you at all times and wants to use you and love on your and encourage you and encourage through you.
And sleep is a good thing too. :)
Sleep is a very good thing, you're right ... I miss it very much.
I'll take your suggestion about taking scripture with me to heart. Sometimes I get so bummed about things that it's hard to see anything but the stress.
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