So at 11pm, the night time cashier comes in to Kroger to begin his shift. His name is Daniel, and he is an interesting character. ( I think it is even more interesting that his name is Biblical and means "God is my judge". But we'll get to that later ). The man is intelligent. His vocabulary is incredible for a guy who works the graveyard at Kroger, and he knows a lot of about Quantum Mechanics and junk like that, so we have had some pretty decent discussions in the past. He was impressed I had even heard of Quantum mechanics and an obscure little video called "What the Bleep to we Know", so thus far I have been his favorite employee to work with for the one hour our shifts overlap.
All that blabber aside, Daniel found out tonight I was a Christian. As soon as I mentioned that, no, I wasn't actually going to PROTEST Tony Campolo, I was going to listen and learn and ponder, a little light went on in his eyeballs and immediately, Laura got assaulted.
I won't go into the details of our discussion (sorry Kevin, for giving you the full brunt of my frustration on the phone), but in short, he was trying to back me into a corner and tell me I couldn't make a valid case for my faith.
I never rose to anger, I never said anything without thinking about it first ... but it is really, really frustrating to try to talk to someone and base what you say off of scripture when your conversation partner doesn't believe the Bible is legit in the first place. I felt at a loss, basically, and at one point I started getting angry. Not at Daniel, ... I was mad that he made me realize how weak I am in reasoning why I believe what I believe. He is all about empirical evidence and KNOWING things ... he doesn't understand that I KNOW God exists without seeing it printed in a peer-reviewed scientific paper. We were using 2 different styles of arguing, and basically traveling in confusing, convoluted circles.
I did make him agitated at one point, and he started to raise his voice at me. I think he was getting frustrated as well, which made me feel a malicious little sense of contentment because obviously something I said struck a nerve with him somewhere.
Towards the end of the argument, I had basically given up. He is the kind of person that starts an argument by defining the argument in his own terms, and there is no way you can "win" with someone like that.
We left still friendly with each other, but he exposed me and a weakness of mine, and that never sits well with me. I know God loves me ... but I feel as if I have let Him down. As a daughter that loves Him, I should have done Him more justice than to stand there with my arms crossed, sputtering quasi-related scripture verses to a man who obviously just wanted to sweep the floors with my beliefs.
He didn't prove anything, nor did I. No one can "prove" God exists or doesn't exist. Why would you want to?
The beauty of my relationship with God, in my opinion, is that I have FAITH that He is there. I know He's there in the respect that I can't see Him, but I have heard His voice, and He has spoken to me. He has touched me. You can't see gravity either, but things have been falling to the earth for millions of years, so obviously there is something to Newton's law. If you could prove God exists, where would Faith be? You wouldn't need it. All the trust, faith and AWE of my relationship with God would be eradicated. He would be reduced to an equation, a theory, a set of parameters. Obviously this can't happen, but this is what Daniel wants.
He has Faith in his textbooks, his logic and his own intelligence.
God loves Daniel every bit as much as He loves me, and I just pray that God gives me the wisdom and patience to do His will in a way that pleases Him.
Kroger is an interesting place for me spiritually. My manager, Rob, is searching for God and has approached me a lot about scripture and questions he has had. I feel really comfortable with him, and I have really tried to give him scripture-based answers and guide him toward a personal relationship with God. Daniel, on the other hand, not so much. I have both ends of the spectrum at Kroger. Someone willing and someone militantly against.
This is a growing experience, I know.
5 comments:
Great post. Great struggle.
It's funny, as I age, (and actually have the ability to debate more) I find myself debating less. I love to ask questions. "So why do you think that? What about...? So how do YOU explain the problem of evil? What gives YOUR life meaning and purpose?"
I don't do this as an "evangelism" tool... I really am interested in the person. I really want to know what makes them tick. And I have found that, if you really want to know what makes people tick, a lot of times, people want to know what makes you tick.
You have an powerful story. For all your struggles and feelings of frustration, your life is the best testimony. Arguing from the bible is okay... there is a place for that... but if someone doesn't believe the bible, why should they listen?
The hard thing for you now will be to continue to treat Daniel as if there hasn't been this debate. I think it's good to remember how much God loves him... to pray for him...
Isn't funny that we have to try to convince people that there is a God who is madly in love with them?
Science leaves me unfulfilled, which is funny because I'm studying to be a biology teacher. Try as the scientific community might, they cannot explain to me the wonder of the mountains through cross-bedding or sediment deposit. Science can be a joyless monster sometimes, even though it has its moments. I know Daniel believes in his book learnin' every bit as much as I believe in my God, but textbooks don't romance your soul. You're right ... it is hard to fathom why some people don't want to believe that there is a God that aches to be loved and to love.
wow...
i stole your quote for my blog.
I watched that video not too long ago (I LOVE quantum mechanics, though I know very little about it) and the science was fun, but the spiritual side made so many leaps of philosophical logic even I was tired by the end. I thought it was bizarre that when confronted by something so meticulously orchestrated that even the scientists admit the impossibility of its self-existence, they tie themselves in verbal and spiritual knots trying to avoid God.
But, that's what we are prone to do.
That the debate even exists or occurs is indicative. There is NO debate because there is not conflict between science and faith. The error is in a lack of understanding and that is largely due to a lack of time spent with God. For every debate signals a moment to be aware of our own need to return to the source of life. Jesus never debated. When the self-delusion of a need to debate is gone then the soul is one step closer to piercing that veil once torn by Jesus' sacrifice but daily repaired by the compulsions of our egos.
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