Drained

I have been feeling really drained lately. I've been skipping the majority of my morning classes to sleep, and it just isn't helping. I feel like I am constantly on the verge of getting sick, and my "reserve" patience with the girl I live with is getting very, very low. I just keep telling myself ... less than a month until I move into a house with people who won't be completely self-centered and oblivious to the needs of others around them. For instance ... here is what happened this morning:

Laura was out in the kitchen enjoying the quiet of the morning, putting granola on her yogurt and feeding the dogs. Suddenly, Brandi's bedroom door opens and she comes out, moaning and groaning with a pained look on her face, keeled over as if someone had attacked her lower lumbar with a baseball bat.

Brandi: "GOD, that night of sleep was AWFUL. I NEVER sleep well when Jay is over here. This is the WORST pain I've ever been in. I think because of my scoliosis, hypoglycemia, cancerous tumors on my thyroid, mysterious sleep disorder, and bipolar 2 disorder I'm NEVER going to get a good nights sleep EVER AGAIN."
(All of these are mysterious diseases she doesn't have that only become chronic when it's convenient. Go figure)

Laura: "Good morning, Brandi. I slept pretty well except Copper farted in the middle of the night so I had to open a window."
(I've taken to answering the questions I wish she would ask without waiting for the question, since I know she won't take the initiative to ask. Does she ever notice I'm basically talking to myself? No.)

Brandi: "It doesn't help that Jay is being an asshole. I stayed up until 2am to work on my project, and when I tried to go to bed he was up playing World of Warcraft for God knows how long. GOD, he is so immature. I couldn't get to sleep because of all the God*@% noise. He's still in there, lazy ass. I swear if he keeps me from one more night of sleep I'm going to f*#!ing kill him, and I'm not kidding."

All this is going on at 7:00am, approximately 15 minutes after I'd gotten out of bed. It's like this every morning. The first thing she says to me as she walks out of her bedroom door is some new reason why her life sucks and I should feel sorry for her. It's a really pleasant way to start off the day when you're assaulted with vulgar language as soon as you wake up. I used to try to say things like, "Well, at least such-and-such project is finished so at least that isn't hanging over your head anymore," but she always retorts with another, "I guess, BUUUUT I have this 30 page paper due tomorrow (that they've had all quarter to do) and all 3 of my greek organizations have meetings tonight so I don't know how I'm going to get the f*%!ing thing done. I NEVER have free time."
I have been as patient as humanly possible all year ... and I think I'm finally giving up. She isn't going to change ... at least not while I'm living with her. I don't even think anything I've said has made an impact, and that is frustrating. She needs some serious love in her life, along with a general attitude overhaul, and it definitely didn't happen while we were paying rent here. We got into one huge argument last quarter that involved her throwing things across the kitchen because she was basically neglecting her puppy, and I got fed up with taking care of him. Since then, she has found him another home ... which is GREAT, because I have 2 dogs ... I don't need a third. I just haven't ever felt this disgusted with another human being in my life. It's very hard for me to imagine that Jesus loves her every bit as much as He loves me ... and quite honestly, I have a hard time coming to terms with that.

It's just been an unpleasant week in general, which is funny because the messages that have been sticking out in my mind lately have all been about "love". I guess it's an issue I'm really struggling with in my "home" life right now, and it honestly has never been an issue before. I like to think of myself as a pretty loving person for the most part, but Brandi has definitely tried my patience and grace like no one before.

I guess I am just discouraged this week. My classes aren't going well, every time I open my mouth this week something I say gets twisted or misunderstood, I just found out people are trying to "use me" to make other individuals of the opposite sex jealous (which makes me feel valued, lemme tell ya), I have a lot of school work due at the beginning of next week that I've barely tipped the iceberg with, and this weekend is jammed with things I need to attend or get done or whatever. I also have about 30 dollars to my name and as of this morning, my car is in Athens Auto with coolant spewing from the engine, which is frustrating because it's the 4th time this calendar year it's been in the shop. What is that ... once every 5-6 weeks? Don't ever buy a Grand Am. Not worth it. My lack of bank account padding is perfect testimony.

You don't need to comment on this entry, as a matter of fact, once you're finished reading, just forget this even exists ... I'm just venting right now. I rarely ever feel like this, and writing is therapeutic.

I'm just ready to pull out my hair. I think I'm going to go back to bed. What I really need is some quiet time with God, but I won't lie .... all I want to do is go to sleep and have these things melt away when I wake up.

And then I stand back and think ... wow ... my "problems" are so petty compared to what people deal with on a daily basis. I am so self-centered. And that makes me feel worse.

Right now, I think I am trapped in a cycle of self-pity, and I need to snap out of it.