Clarification

I guess the main point of frustration in the previous entry lies in the fact that in order to deal with the people I lived with last year, I kept telling myself "They really are good people ... Christ loves them every bit as much as He loves me, and I'm the vehicle for that unconditional love ... " over and over and OVER AND OVER again.

I read Paul's comment on the previous entry and cried for like a half hour because I feel so conflicted. I want to say "Eff those guys, I'm keeping the money". He told me to be graceful ... I would say normally, I'm a fairly graceful person. I'm slow to anger, quick to forgive, etc ... but this time, I really don't even want to be graceful. Basically, I want to screw over the people who made my life hell for a year.

I prayed over and over again for patience and wisdom ... received patience and wisdom ... prayed over and over again for grace .... survived the year .... and over and over again was disappointed and stung by the actions and words of the people who did nothing short of making my senior year miserable.

I guess I'm just disappointed more than anything. Christ loves them ... but I sure don't. And I don't have to. I'm not obligated to love them ... I sincerely dislike Brandi, as a matter of fact ... but that doesn't excuse me from being Christ-like. I'm just disgusted that I lived with them for a full year and tried my best to be patient and graceful, was continually disappointed and rejected, taken advantage of and ignored. The failure to clean is the last straw ... I feel like they just spit in my face, especially after Brandi told me she would clean yesterday.

This probably sounds petty to most of you, but throughout the year I emotionally invested a lot into Brandi and all her continuing drama, and I feel like she just doesn't give a shit.

And that hurts. Period.